You can never stand in the same river twice.  Old American Indian saying.

And you never meet the same person twice.

Nigerian novelist Chimamanda Adichie, in a talk titled “The danger of a single story” explains how so often we hear only one story about a person or a country or even a situation, and we draw all our conclusions from that single perspective.  And then sometimes we are disappointed, and feel betrayed or foolish when we discover the deeper layers to the story.  But in reality our lives are composed of overlapping stories and to forget that means we risk misunderstanding people, sometimes to a dangerous level.

If we know that we ourselves are complex, every changing and growing people, then we have to believe that of other people too.  Don’t assume that the friend you saw last 5 months ago is going to be the same forever.  When your child goes away to varsity, expect to meet a new person coming home.  They have grown and experienced new things and made decisions on their own.  Discover who they are again.  Allow your partner to grow in your relation, and keep close enough to discover who they are as they change, so that you don’t wake up one morning next to a stranger.

Through the course of all of this, be tolerant about how each person handles their own failure, and the failure of others; how people respond to your failure.  We can only do what we are capable of doing at any point in our lives.

If you fail at any important aspect of your life, there are people who are going to come along side you and support and encourage you.  But others will judge, criticize and reject you.  Those people may have their own fears, their own failures that condemn them and make them feel uncomfortable around you because your failure points at their own weakness.

In terms of the people you meet every day, remember that you never meet the same person twice.  You don’t know what your colleague has experienced since you last met.  You don’t know what your competitor, your client, your prospect has gone through since you last conversed, concluded a deal or closed a door on a negotiation.  There is always change in both of your lives and as you change there is the opportunity for a new solution today that may have been impossible last week.

So don’t pre-judge people.  In the same way that you would like them to be open to the fact that you have changed and grown, give them the same chance.  Especially the people you think you know well.  That way you won’t get caught out by people cheating you, or be overly surprised by people blessing you with wonderful responses.

Please feel free to share your experience of mistakes or failures with us.  And if you are a resource that could help other small business owners, then you are welcome to post your information here (or on the Facebook page) as well.  This is a link to the original Lesson #3.

“I’m Not Afraid of the F Word” can be ordered from any book store.  The distributor is Redline books and they can be contacted on christopher@redlinebooks.co.za or 021 557 2146.  Charlotte Kemp is available to speak on the subject of “I’m Not Afraid of the F Word” to entrepreneur groups or the subject of “The Art of Failure” to corporate groups.

In any contest there are winners and losers.  The winners do not get to enjoy their victory without the losers being able to afford them fist place by taking the losing position.

We all want that first place and strive for it, even if part of us knows that it is unattainable.   And regardless of our envy, that fact that someone, anyone in a particular contest, can win first place, means that we have a shot at it too.

Sometimes though, more, shall we say, ‘gentle folk’ want to eliminate such derogatory terms as ‘loser’ because they fear it may hurt the sensitivities of the individuals involved, especially when they are children.  But you cannot remove only one side of a coin.  You cannot take away the chance to be hurt without also removing the chance to be a hero.  And children need to learn how to handle disappointments early in life, not to toughen them up, but so that they can learn the skills of striving for the position of winner early.

So we need to appreciate losers for their vital role in holding that position so that the role of winner is available to be coveted.  And secondly, we cannot eliminate the position of ‘loser’ from the field.  How else would we know whether we have won or not.

I have wanted to be able to express something about the leadership situation in our country for some time, but really struggled to find the right tone, or approach.  Even now I am so conflicted that it is difficult to convey, in a short blog, the full expression of what we are seeing happen in this point in our history.

But a few days ago, my father wrote this letter to our local morning TV station and it was read aloud and commented on.  I think my father has managed to capture the situation so well and I am grateful for his expressing it so much better than I could have.  So here is his letter.

Dear Vuyo and Leanne

Some time ago, elephants were introduced into the Pilansberg Game Reserve. They proceeded to cause much havoc and destruction with their unruly behaviour.

To remedy the situation some older, mature bulls were brought in to teach them manners and discipline.

We have a similar situation now on the political front, with the young rouges using language and actions that threaten racial and economic instability.

The current set of “Bulls” are pre-occupied with power struggles, in fighting, cover up’s and denials, and not setting an example that inspires respect, nevermind reform. On the weekend it was reported that Zuma’s ratings have dropped to an all time low. On Monday the headline reads that Malema is defiant in the face of Zuma’s reprimand. The “Bulls” are toothless and powerless. It is said that a fish rots from the head down, and the present leadership is proving the point.

There is only one “Bull” who commands universal respect, and who might be able to stem the tide. Sadly he has chosen to remain silent, yet as a former Head of State and still member of the party it is surly not disloyal to be critical. For the sake of his legacy, for the sake of this country Mandela needs to be heard from, and all the bulls need to head his message.

Lastly, the press corp. SHAME ON YOU. You should all have got up and walked out of that press conference in support not only of the BBC man, but your estate.

Regards

JJ

Kloof